“To be drawn alongside Morocco is like sharing the same house with Lucifer. It’s the kind of stuff that would cause our players to develop wobbly knees and paralysis on the pitch. It’s unacceptable and we hereby demand a preemptive investigation,” the statement read, in part.

At least there’s a couple of things to brag about: Uganda Airlines is the youngest fleet in Africa, with the most creative excuses on the continent, and the exceptional unique ability to make taxpayers feel like they’re personally sponsoring an expensive game of lottery with aeroplanes.

Remember in the movies when the full moon turned humans into blood-thirsty, hairy, howling beasts? Well, with two moons, full moon phases could double up or even overlap, and we would have hordes of werewolves roaming the suburbs all-year round.

The Razor Wire Vault combines pole vaulting with a touch of survival instinct. Athletes are required to successfully clear 8-foot-tall razor wire obstacles using a wooden pole, while evading a rifle-wielding antagonist. Whereas the Teargas Dash is particular on physical requirements for enrollment, Razor Wire Vault cuts across. Yeah, you bet that damn razor wire will cut right across your flesh!

In Uganda, there are two time zones: East African Time (EAT) and African Standard Time (AST). AST is EAT plus anywhere from thirty minutes to three hours or more, but generally varies depending on the character you’re dealing with. If a Ugandan says they’ll meet you at 9:00am, please clarify as to whether they mean EAT or AST. Still, remember to carry a novel and a snack cos the meeting time is more of a suggestion than a commitment. Kash Patel needs to investigate why we have multiple time zones!

The authorities, in a moment of sheer disbelief, and perhaps afraid that the monkey pox scourge would have a field day, had to close the store due to overcrowding. But that’s the sugarcoated mainstream version of the story. The backstory is that the irate local traders and manufacturers whipped up some high-end African voodoo—proudly sponsored by the top-notch services of a Nigerian witchcraft merchant—in a bid to destabilize their Chinese competitor. And from the looks of it, the African ancestors are working overtime.

The world’s most loved and most hated man, former President Donald Trump, came within an eyelash of getting translated into the next dimension when an assassin’s bullet kissed his ear and almost blew his mind—quite literally! If there’s a creature that actually knows the sound of death, it’s Donald Trump!

As diplomatic tensions rise between the two nations, we’re left wondering whether the UK will eventually invite the Ugandan government to talk through the matter at a good-old English tea party, complete with delightfully baked cream and jam scones; or maybe—just maybe—Uganda will invite the UK government to a rolex fest at State House, Entebbe, where they’ll have a polite conversation and tactfully resolve their differences!

Dubai spent what’s equivalent to the GDP of a small country on building the artificial Palm Islands in the sea, but when it came to dealing with water on land, it’s like they totally forgot to budget for umbrellas, boats and submarines.

My major problem with the visitors came during meal time. You know that point when the guest wants an additional serving of chicken, but there’s none left in the dish, yet there’s a piece on your plate? You, my friend, had to involuntarily sacrifice that juicy chicken wing!

Postcolonial Africa has largely been the playground for the western world in the aspect of scrambling for, partitioning and exploitation of the continent’s vast natural resources at the expense of its citizens. With the emphatic arrival of the West’s nemeses, Russia and China, at the poker table, the landscape may have been altered for the better.

“There’s no way by any stretch of the imagination that this child could be mine!” he’s thinking. Joseph is terribly disappointed. Up until this point, he had all the confidence in the world that no other man but he had bagged 100% rights to bringing Mary’s virginity story to a climactic conclusion. Suddenly, all that is no more!

I have great confidence that, henceforth, there will be more billionaires joining Elon Musk in exploring the vastness of outer space than there will be that dare to even board their own super yachts, lest the ghosts of the Titanic invite them to dinner without warning!

Henceforth, the Ministers will naturally be inclined to splash cash at their bodyguards without stopping to count; and will regularly tell their protectors how they’ll always love them. Also, like their masters’ little brats, the bodyguards’ kids can now finally relish a sausage fest at every breakfast and enjoy freshly-baked bread with Nutella spread on one side and orange marmalade on the other.

Finally, your sniffy nostrils drag you to the pastries and freshly-prepared foods area. In a short while, you’ll discover that this section is nothing more than a trap! You’re not hungry, but I can assure you, by the time you step out of Shoprite, you’ll be carrying two bags filled with all sorts of ready-to-eat food!